I think getting teased, learning about death and having fights with your friends (etc.) are all a part of life. A part that is necessary to develop into a normal functioning adult. Sure those topics are hard and will be even harder for me to have to watch my child deal with.
On the subject of parenting books...I don't get it. Why would anyone want to take advice about their child from someone who has never met your kiddo? Alot of people I know who do this have (in my opinion) normal functioning children. Sure they might have some hellish tantrums, but don't all kids? Why do you need a book to tell you how to deal with that?
Dealing with death is hard for anyone but when you have to explain it to a child it becomes unbelievably tough. This subject came up on my Mommy's board recently and maybe I'm odd but I have a completely different opinion then most. I think that death should be introduced to kids at a young age. It's not something I'd want to shelter my child from. I think that by doing that it will just make it ten times harder when they do have to face it. Taylor learned about it this past February when my husbands aunt passed away. Granted she was barely 2 years old but we made sure to explain the best we could about what happened since she was close to his aunt. To this day Tay will still talk about her and how shes in heaven. I know the older she gets she will of course have more questions but at least it won't be a complete shock.
Another topic on my Mommy's board was the homeschooling. I am against this on so many different levels but it all comes back to me wanting my child to experience the most she can. There are so many more things that she will get to do and experience going to school not just academically but socially as well. Yes, I know home schooled kids do go out and do things as well but I seriously doubt it can compare to what it would be like if they were in school. Another reason is there is no way in hell I myself am disciplined enough to do it, if you are then more props to ya. I'm also not educated enough to do it. Sure, I could be If I wanted to but I'm not. I have a high school diploma, teachers go to college and get a degree. Why in the world would I think I am qualified to teach my kids at the level they need to be taught? I know nothing about it. Another fear of mine would be how my child would fare when it comes time to go to college. After all those years of schooling at home with the rest of the family then suddenly being put in a completely different environment an expected to thrive just doesn't make sense to me. I'd prefer my kid already have a general idea of what to expect so it wouldn't be such a culture shock.
To sum it up, I'm the type of mom who lets my kid get dirty, I let her try to figure things out for herself, I let her experience life. I will do all in my power to make sure shes happy, safe and well cared for but I will not do things that I believe will hinder her natural curiosity.
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Oh, I've got so much to say! LOL!
First, I'm with you on the death thing. It's important for them to know and learn to deal with it. Certain "details" can be left out when they're very young and possibly too young to handle it, but the entire topic itself should be discussed, IMO. I'm afraid if you wait too long, it's much more tragic for them.
I don't read parenting books, but know many who do. I think for those who are comfortable with themselves as a parent and their parenting methods, the books aren't needed. For those who doubt themselves or their methods, or think they need ideas on different ways to handle situations, parenting books can be good.
The homeschool thing... =) We homeschool. I love it. I am disciplined enough, and feel I'm capable enough to teach my kids. We have a homeschool group that consists of 6 other families. We meet up twice a month and do field trips at least once a month. My kids go to a PE class that has around 50 other kids. They participate in extra curricular activities (baseball, soccer, etc). They are not sheltered from "the world" or "socialization". Homeschool kids here in AZ are allowed to participate in HS sports as well. My cousin just graduated homeschool High School, but all through her HS years participated in sports at the HS she would be going to, and even attended the school dances. I'd say you can't get any more "in it" than that! She (and many of the other homeschool teens I know) attended college classes while still "in" HS, and are closer to attaining their degrees than any public school kids their age.
It is clearly a personal choice, one which I think is based on each individual. While I don't knock those who choose to put their kids in public school, it's not what I choose for my kids. Part of my decision is based on religious reasons, and part on personal reasons. My kids have experienced "fights" with their peers already. They will experience many of the same things public schooled kids experience. However, it will be on a much "safer" level IMO.
I know that I make an effort to get my kids out around other children more than many homeschooling parents do. The nice thing about homeschooling these days is that it is a "popular choice" now, and there are many support groups, homeschool groups, etc available for those who choose to take advantage of it.
OK, I'll hop off the homeschooling soapbox now. =)
Have a great weekend!
Woah, there, lady! I do homeschool, and I'm not "that" mom, either. I think you must have some misconception of why people school their kids at home. I'm not gonna write a book about it, because I don't have time to tell you all my great reasons for keeping my kids at home, but I wanted to let you know that you've got an inaccurate and offensive stereotype in your head. It's unfair to lump hs'er in with overprotective people. In fact, I've often witnessed the reverse. It's parents who feel that they're out of control of their kids' lives who are the worst for sheltering them.
That's really neither here nor there, though. I just hope you'll reconsider your attitude toward parents who, for the most part, are just trying to give their children the best education possible and the best lifestyle (for them) possible.
I have to say I'm with you on most points - my kids get dirty, they get hurt. My son is only 3 but he's experienced death (we were honest with him about it but we had just moved to a new house so in his mind, Aunt Margie moved to her new house in heaven), he's fought with his friends.
I don't usually read parenting books as I'm the first to admit that I'm no supermom. Most parenting books I've seen make me feel inadequate as a parent (what do you mean your child isn't already involved in at least 3 activities and reading books by himself?) and/or guilty for working full-time outside the home and loving it. I did pick one up the other day though as I needed a new idea to rescue us from the battles that were occurring more frequently than I wanted them to and it's worked wonders this past week.
As for homeschooling, kudos to those who do it and do it well. I am more than well-enough educated to do so but I certainly don't want to. I've witnessed the home-schooled kid who went off to college and was completely out of control because she hadn't learned how to deal with normal situations in highschool (ie., dating and even befriending boys, attending parties, etc.) I've also, as a speech-language pathologist, worked with the home-schooled kids who had significant speech and language delays that were not noticed by the parents until much later than they would have been if they'd attended public school. Now I admit that this may be the exception to the rule, but it's my experiences with homeschooling. That being said, I know our public education system is inadequate and overextended. I know that I will be supplementing my kids' education with reading, travelling, visiting museums and science centres, etc. But I also know my limits as a parent and I, personally, am a much better parent if I'm not with my kids 24/7. I also don't feel I'd be disciplined enough to do the homeschool thing.
My kids will go to public school and they'll be fine. Yes, they'll be exposed to drugs and alcohol and broken homes and sex and violence, but they'll learn from every experience they have and my husband and I will be there to discuss these things with them and answer their questions. My husband and I will be involved with the school as volunteers in the classroom, chaperones on field trips, members of the PTA so that we can try to effect a postive change in the system so that all kids are getting the best education and the best lifestyle possible.
I must say that I'm with you, I have a godson whom I love to death!!
Some things are completely difficult to decide how you'll raise the child once their yours.. but others are not.
We let him get dirty & have all kinds of fun. :) He's young, it's what he wants to do.
Homeschooling seems to be a BIG topic on your comments, so let me add one..
My aunt home schooled my sister, but I went to public schooling. We both turned out pretty good, I believe. But growing up, I did tend to have more friends & have always been more social. I'm in college right now getting my business degree, she finished in cosmotology. But through it all, I must say that I agree with you on almost all of it though!
GREATTT POST with awesome topics!!!
You know I'm totally with you on the not sheltering your children from the reality of life. And you know that Si had her first experience with death earlier this year when Stuart Little passed away. And it's helped her to deal with the reality that Mufasa is soon going to leave us. Yes, he may just be a dog but he's been a big part of her life from the day she was born. She has the most amazing outlook on it too - she told us the other day that it will be good when Muffy goes to heaven because then Grandpa Harold will have a dog again :)
The homeschooling thing I would never knock for people who are doing it for the right reasons. I agree it takes a tremendous amount of discipline on the part of both parents to do it and those who are serious and disciplined about it tend to make sure their children do get the socialization they need and although I know it's something I could not do myself I have the utmost respect for those who can! Now on the other hand, those who do it out of "fear" of putting their children in public school, "fear" of letting them have the normal childhood experiences and/or other fears....I think those people are not doing it for the right reasons for the most part and that it doesn't always work out.
I have to say I agree with you on all points. BUT me and Jeff discussed homeschooling when we lived in a HORRIBLE area, and if we were still living down there now you better belive our kids would be homeschooled, but since we are in a nice area, nice school system, I put them in public school, heck I even already put Jaylin in and she just turned 3!
My kids have both experienced death with our gerbil or hamster, and they sort of get it. Luckily no family has passed away to have that talk.
And yes, my kids get dirty, play in the mud, whatever, they are washable lol. I don't read books or anything, the only thing I am doing is trying to get Jeffery under control but I think that is deeper than our parenting, because we have done the same with him and Jaylin and Jaylin is easier than Jeffery by far.
Just remember, only you know what is right for you and your kiddo! As long as she's happy and healthy then you are doing it right!
Ha, I agree with EVERYTHING you just said. If your child never falls and scrapes their knee, they'll never know that it hurts or that it's possible. That's a metaphor obviously but I totally get what you're saying. Love that POV. :)
Great post, lots of different views for sure! My kids go to public school, get dirty and have experiences loss. I don't do parenting books either.
While I don't knock the parents that do home school, I could never do it. Not just for my own reasons, but the kids' as well. while they don't like getting up super early, they enjoy school, their teachers, friends, all of it.
First and foremost I have to say, I love ya Ryann. As you know, I am also "not that mom" I do not shelter little man. If anything I probably let him explore to much. I believe that getting hurt, and dirty and other stuff is all natural, that he needs to learn from those emotions and grow. You and I do differ on two HUGE things though and that is religion and politics...and I believe that is the difference in our parenting. You and I talk enough (on the phone) for me to know that I am probably even MORE lax in some stuff than you ;) (as in dirtiness factor haha) I just do not want to have to "deprogram" my child from what HE LEARNED IN SCHOOL. I want him to know God. Why?? BECAUSE I DO NOT WANT HIM TO GO TO HELL (nor do I want you to go to hell my friend-but we already had that discussion too) I want to teach him about God. Am I qualified?? Probably not. I have a measly AA and ASN degree, but Jim does have a BSN. He can help in areas that I lack a brain (MATH!) Anyway-really not reason to rehash this here. We can discuss it all over the phone! lol........
A few responses to your post...
1)Being home schooled in itself does not mean you will be exempt from any of the natural social parts of growing up. You will still get teased, you will still attend funerals (maybe more so than your non-HS counterparts--after all, they're in school during most funeral hours, haha), and you will still have fights with your friends. You can still play sports, go to prom, and sing in a choir. You can also get your school work done in a fraction of the time that non-HS kids do, leaving you more time in the day for learning and doing new things (*gasp* EVEN social things!).
2) Parenting books. *cringe*. I think the problem is when people take a particular book as gospel and don't consider it fully. There is lots of good information in these books though, that many parents don't know already. Developmental milestones, preparing your own baby food, signs of thrush, etc.. Being a paramedic, I sure wish that more parents would read these books. If they did, I wouldn't have to do nearly the number of transports to the hospital with babies that would be better off at home! Do I read them myself? Only if necessarry. :-)
3) Experiencing the world. Wow! I love hearing other first time parents taking the stance that it's OKAY if your baby gets dirty. I always feel bad when I hear about the baby who's 11-months-old and still not crawing because his mama won't let him be on the floor for any length of time. :-\ Let them live! Kids are resiliant!
I have my own feelings on homeschooling because I have seen what it has done to Bill's grandkids. They are not very social with outsiders, they couldn't even have a good time at Disney World or on a cruise because they didn't know how to get along other people. They are so self-absorbed, even though they "go on outings" with other students that are homeschooled.
My children went to public school and turned out OK, if I do say so myself, are very social, love God, and are productive members of society.
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